Alex Pate serves a volleyball during an Air Force Wounded Warrior practice session at Scott Air Force Base, Illinois, in August of 2019 (Photo by Senior Airman Greg Erwin, 375th Air Mobility Wing Public Affairs).
"The old Alex" wasn't returning and, as a vehicle operator, he was expected to use heavy equipment, including operating tow trucks and rigs, as well as performing maintenance.
"His body was the main thing he used for his job, and he wasn't able to do those things anymore," Allison said.
Alex faced skepticism within his command. After fighting off cancer, they expected him to return to being "young and healthy" again, physically and mentally. This was not the case.
"He was treated like: 'You got through it - move on.'"
Two years of physical therapy couldn't fix the degenerated and bulging disks in his back. She recounts a medical visit to Louisiana State University's Surgery Center: "They walked in and opened his file and said, "Oh, this has to be the 80-year-old man next door. We're sorry. We must have mixed your X-rays up,""
But that was his X-ray at age 23, she said.
Even though his wounds aren't immediately visible, Allison says she and her husband are still able to identify with wounded warriors who have suffered injuries both inside and outside of combat.
"We don't ever compare our story to other people, who may have been injured in combat, because there's no two people who are going to be alike. But we can find common denominators and connect with people and be there for each other in the ways that we know how to."
Allison said she and Alex really found their support network when he became a part of the Air Force Wounded Warrior Program, or AFW2.
"That's where he found people that fully believed him and fully listened to what was going on. We still consider some of the people we've met through AFW2 as family," she said. "I have a notebook full of people that I can call at any time, when I might be doubting myself."
Looking back, Allison credits an unnamed Air Force psychiatrist at Barksdale Air Force Base in Louisiana - the Pates' one and only duty station - as being one of Alex's biggest advocates on the road that would eventually lead to him being medically retired.
"He is the main reason Alex was able to get out the way he did. A lot of people couldn't connect the dots - why his anxiety wasn't getting better; why his depression wasn't getting better; why his body was still so deteriorated," she said.
"That psychiatrist believed him from day one. That single person made him feel seen, heard and appreciated."
The telehealth technology that has expanded since the COVID-19 pandemic also helped lessen Alex's previous anxiety about attending in-person appointments.
"Alex will do things privately as much as he can," said Allison. "Being able to go online and book a doctor's appointment on the computer, doing therapy appointments at home - stuff like that has helped with his anxiety more than anything."
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Alex has remained cancer-free since he left the Air Force. The Pates now have two children, ages one and two. Alex now works part-time as a tow truck driver, while Allison is a stay-at-home mom and caregiver.