Skip to main content

Military Health System

Test of Sitewide Banner

This is a test of the sitewide banner capability. In the case of an emergency, site visitors would be able to visit the news page for addition information.

Helping Your Child to Cope with Grief and Losses Related to COVID-19

Image of Shirley Lanham Elementary School students perform Taiko drumming during a Month of the Military Child celebration aboard the Naval Air Facility Atsugi, Japan, April 6, 2022. (Photo: Petty Officer 2nd Class Ange-Olivier Clement, Naval Air Facility Atsugi). Shirley Lanham Elementary School students perform Taiko drumming during a Month of the Military Child celebration aboard the Naval Air Facility Atsugi, Japan, April 6, 2022. (Photo: Petty Officer 2nd Class Ange-Olivier Clement, Naval Air Facility Atsugi)

More than 140,000 American children have suffered the loss of a parent or caregiver due to COVID-19, according to a recent study.

COVID-19 was the third leading cause of death among Americans last year, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, so many children have also lost extended family members or close family friends.

And death is not the only form of loss that children have faced. Children of all ages have experienced the loss of friendships through physical separation. They've missed out on social experiences and milestones like in-person schooling, sports seasons, proms, or even graduations.

How can parents help their children through the grieving process?

"Children of different ages react to death differently," said Army Capt. (Dr.) Christin Folker, a pediatrician at Weed Army Community Hospital at Fort Irwin, California.

"Infants and toddlers will notice the absence of a caregiver or sense that something is wrong and that others are upset," she said. "Even without understanding the concept of death, their brain development is influenced by these stressful experiences, promoting a stronger 'fight-or-flight' response to future stressors."

In preschool and early school-age years, "children may believe that death is temporary and that their loved one will come back," said Army Capt. (Dr.) Cory McFadden, a staff pediatrician at the Carl R. Darnall Army Medical Center, Fort Hood, Texas.

"The younger that a child is when he or she experiences the loss of a loved one, the more they will struggle with the finality of death. It will take time for them to understand that the person is no longer alive," he said.

"Because of this difficulty with understanding, they will in general grieve a little quicker and bounce back," he suggested.

Folker explained how younger children may struggle with a wide range of emotions.

"They also may believe that they are in some way to blame for the death if they misbehaved or got angry with that loved one," Folker said.

"A more concrete understanding of the causes and absolute nature of death begins in school age years," she explained.

"Adolescents will process losses more similarly to adults, but many are processing these experiences and their accompanying strong emotions for the first time."

Air Force Tech. Sgt. Moses J. Villagomez, 60th Maintenance Group quality assurance inspector, poses with his wife and children April 22, 2021, at Travis Air Force Base, California. April is the Month of the Military Child, providing Travis with an opportunity to highlight the resilience of children in the military community. (Photo: Hun Chustine Minoda, 60th Air Mobility Wing Public Affairs)
Air Force Tech. Sgt. Moses J. Villagomez, 60th Maintenance Group quality assurance inspector, poses with his wife and children April 22, 2021, at Travis Air Force Base, California. April is the Month of the Military Child, providing Travis with an opportunity to highlight the resilience of children in the military community. (Photo: Hun Chustine Minoda, 60th Air Mobility Wing Public Affairs)

Re-grieving

"Many children will 're-grieve' the absence of a significant person as they go through different developmental stages and milestones," Folker said.

"For example, a child who lost a close grandparent at the age of 6 may re-experience the sadness of their absence at their next birthday party or elementary school graduation," she said.

"Children who are less likely to talk about their feelings, especially adolescents, should be offered open-ended opportunities to talk about how they're feeling," she suggested.

Some ways to approach that are to say: "I know we talked about your aunt's death a few days ago – how are you feeling? What are you thinking about? Do you have any questions about what happened, or what it means for our family?" Folker said.

"Even children who seem 'OK' may benefit from discussing their feelings with a counselor or participating in play therapy," she added.

Ways to Cope

Signs of grief can be individual for each child. Folker and other child experts from the Defense Health Agency's Psychological Health Center of Excellence offer these tips.

  • Refer to "death" directly. Avoid using confusing phrases such as "went to sleep."
  • Explain that the loved one is not living on Earth anymore and cannot come back. If it fits with your family's beliefs, explain that their loved one is in Heaven or the afterlife.
  • Get back to normal routines at home.
  • Maintain a consistent schedule for school activities and bedtimes to help kids establish a sense of security after a loss.
  • Be ready and accessible. Avoid pushing your child to talk. Instead, follow your child's lead and stay open to talking over time as needed.
  • Allow your child to ask questions, and provide honest answers.
  • Talk about how to express anger in appropriate ways, such as through drawing or writing.
  • Remind your child they are safe and surrounded by supportive people.
  • Model your grieving. Say, "'I'm feeling really sad today' or 'I'm feeling frustrated today'" about your loss and explain why you are feeling that way.
  • Teach calming techniques like deep breathing, yoga, and meditation. These can help reduce the effects of stress and build your child's capacity for coping with adverse events.

"Sometimes parents are so overwhelmed with grief that they can't be there for their kids, and in the short term that is OK," McFadden said.

"It is also OK for the parents to share with kids how they are dealing with the loss," he said.

"Another way that parents can help children to overcome the pandemic's developmental challenges is to engage in activities,' Folker said.

For example, "reading together and talking about the story gives children a chance to practice language. Age-appropriate crafts allow children to work on fine-motor hand skills. Parents can let their children 'help' with activities around the house to keep them active and developing gross motor skills," Folker said.

Reach Out for Help

Mourning the loss of a loved one is painful, but you do not have to do it alone. "Check in with other families facing similar experiences. Ask about their religious background and practices, and always recommend meeting with a priest/rabbi/imam for support," or to military chaplains, McFadden suggested.

"In addition to reaching out to a psychological health professional, try building a nurturing support network," Folker said. This may include other families with similar experiences, school officials, and places of worship.

Some of Folker's favorite resources include:

You also may be interested in...

inTransition - Connecting, Coaching, Empowering

Video
1/31/2023
inTransition - Connecting, Coaching, Empowering

The Defense Health Agency inTransition program is a free, confidential program that offers specialized coaching and assistance for active-duty service members, National Guard members, reservists, veterans and retirees who need access to mental health care when: relocating to another assignment; returning from deployment; transitioning from active duty to reserve component or reserve component to active duty; preparing to leave military service; any other time they need a new mental health provider or need a provider for the first time. inTransition coaches are skilled counselors who understand military culture and who maintain privacy and confidentiality. inTransition services are available to ALL military members regardless of length of service or discharge status and there is NO expiration date to enroll. Learn more: https://health.mil/intransition

MHS Minute | Nov 2022

Video
12/12/2022
MHS Minute | Nov 2022

The latest MHS Minute focuses on highlights from DHA Director Lt. Gen. Ronald J. Place’s final virtual town hall with the workforce, Nov. 16, 2022. The discussion included the agency’s biggest accomplishments over the past three years and the impact of COVID-19 on DHA’s reputation and approach to health care delivery.

Older Adults and Mental Health

Video
12/12/2022
Older Adults and Mental Health

Mental health often goes undiagnosed in older adults.

Service Members and Mental Health

Video
12/12/2022
Service Members and Mental Health

TRICARE covers mental health services, including telehealth.

Seek Mental Health with TRICARE

Video
8/18/2022
Seek Mental Health with TRICARE

Mental health problems can affect your thoughts, mood and behavior. Watch TRICARE's latest video on how to take care of your mental health.

July MHS Minute

Video
8/9/2022
July MHS Minute

The July MHS Minute highlights a dedicated webpage for women's health to educate women and their partners on the health care services and resources available to them. Visit https://www.health.mil/Military-Health-Topics/Total-Force-Fitness/Preventive-Health/Womens-Health to learn more. Additionally, learn more about the new national suicide and crisis lifeline, 988.

Be Prepared with Back-to-School Immunizations

Video
7/28/2022
Be Prepared with Back-to-School Immunizations

Air Force Surgeon General Miller encourages parents to get their kids immunized before heading back to school in the fall.

Managing Burnout

Video
5/19/2022
Managing Burnout

Burnout is really a state of extreme exhaustion caused by chronic overwhelming stress. Lt. Col. Catherine Callendar, Air Force Deputy Director of Psychological Health, gives some advice on coping with burnout. Learn more at health.mil/mentalhealth.

MHS Minute | April 2022

Video
5/3/2022
MHS Minute | April 2022

The MHS Minute highlights some of the outstanding work taking place across the Military Health System, including major milestones, events, notable activities, and much more. Help us get the word out about all of the unique, meaningful, and fascinating work taking place across the MHS by watching and sharing the video, which you can download from DVIDs: https://go.usa.gov/xuy7M. This month’s topic is mental health awareness. Check out the entire playlist: https://go.usa.gov/xtAAq

Thank you for being a Military Kid

Video
4/12/2022
Thank you for being a Military Kid

Military parents read letters to their children, thanking them for all they do to support the mission. Thank you for being a military kid. Thank you for being resilient and supportive throughout our many years of service. Thank you for helping Mommy around the house and being so strong when I have to be gone for days, weeks or months at a time. Changing states, homes, schools and activities isn't easy. But you took it as a new adventure. The courage you have by going to three different schools in three years really makes me look up to you. I am blessed, thankful and grateful to have such beautiful and handsome, loving kids who not only support me but each other while I'm away. You are the reason why I work so hard. Thank you for always keeping your spirit. Most of all, thank you for being you. Your smiles, laughs and love are what I've gotten me through every day. I love you. And thank you for everything you do. This video was originally created for a 2019 Military Kids Connect campaign.

Does CSM Gragg Have COVID-19?

Video
2/9/2022
Does CSM Gragg Have COVID-19?

CSM Gragg demonstrates how to use a COVID-19 at home rapid test.

TRICARE: Back-to-School Season!

Video
8/12/2021
TRICARE: Back-to-School Season!

It's #BacktoSchool season! Busy buying school supplies, backpacks, and clothes for the fall? But have you scheduled your child's preventive health exams and immunizations? Be sure to follow these tips: https://go.usa.gov/xFQCD #BacktoSchool2021

Back to School Fast Tips

Video
8/11/2021
Back to School Fast Tips

Here are some fast tips for a smooth and safe transition to getting back to school this year.

The Battle Against the COVID-19 Delta Variant

Video
6/29/2021
The Battle Against the COVID-19 Delta Variant

Like our enemies in the past, the coronavirus has adapted and we're now dealing with the most transmissible variant yet, Delta. The fight can be won with vaccination. If you're not yet vaccinated against the coronavirus, go get your shot today. Otherwise you're at high risk for severe disease, hospitalization, and death.

The Delta Variant: A New Reason to Get Vaccinated

Video
6/25/2021
The Delta Variant: A New Reason to Get Vaccinated

Are you a service member age 18 to 30? Are you unvaccinated? You may be entitled to severe disease, hospitalization, and death. To avoid these options, get vaccinated today!

Page 1 of 7 , showing items 1 - 15
First < 1 2 3 4 5  ... > Last 
Refine your search
Last Updated: February 01, 2023
Follow us on Instagram Follow us on LinkedIn Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Twitter Follow us on YouTube Sign up on GovDelivery